Tips for Tossing Trump
Other players were catching up. So I had to CHANGE THE WHOLE DAMN GAME AGAIN. pic.twitter.com/P8SQ465k00— Brian Gilham (@bgilham) July 27, 2017
I am, currently, the top-ranked player of Trump Toilet Toss in the world.
To mark this occasion, I thought I’d share some tips for becoming a Trump-tossing champion:
- Optimize your throws for “swooshes” — throws where Trump’s head doesn’t hit the toilet rim. Sploosh. A swoosh is worth 2 points, and they’re cumulative. 2 points, then 4, then 6, and so on. Without swooshing that asshole’s head into the bowl, it’s going to take far too long to rack up a competitive score.
- Minimize the amount of finger tip that touches your phone’s display. It cuts down on weird, sideways throws.
- Put your finger right on that dummy’s nose.
- Go slow. Slide your finger, rather than “flicking” it. Past a certain point, the throw has already been determined.
- Wait a half-second longer for throws at the edge of the screen. They can be deceptive, and are easily the #1 cause of mis-throws for me.
Go forth and toss. I’ll see you on the leaderboard.