Tips for Tossing Trump

I am, currently, the top-ranked player of Trump Toilet Toss in the world.

To mark this occasion, I thought I’d share some tips for becoming a Trump-tossing champion:

  1. Optimize your throws for “swooshes” — throws where Trump’s head doesn’t hit the toilet rim. Sploosh. A swoosh is worth 2 points, and they’re cumulative. 2 points, then 4, then 6, and so on. Without swooshing that asshole’s head into the bowl, it’s going to take far too long to rack up a competitive score.
  2. Minimize the amount of finger tip that touches your phone’s display. It cuts down on weird, sideways throws.
  3. Put your finger right on that dummy’s nose.
  4. Go slow. Slide your finger, rather than “flicking” it. Past a certain point, the throw has already been determined.
  5. Wait a half-second longer for throws at the edge of the screen. They can be deceptive, and are easily the #1 cause of mis-throws for me.

Go forth and toss. I’ll see you on the leaderboard.